


Safety Net (A House of Wayne-El Interlude)

by butterflyslinky



Series: The House of Wayne-El [5]
Category: DCU
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Disabled Character, F/M, Past Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 19:46:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14552160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflyslinky/pseuds/butterflyslinky
Summary: Dying is easy.Learning to live...that's harder.





	Safety Net (A House of Wayne-El Interlude)

What most people didn’t realize was that dying was the easy part. Sure, it hurt for a moment, but then it was over. Done with. Nothing else hurt again.

Coming back…that was harder.

Jason sighed and lit another cigarette. No one could get that, could they? Not in Wayne manor, where damn near everyone was a nigh-invulnerable alien and the humans were all soft. Even Batman had lost some of the intimidation factor after all that.

Not that he expected them to understand anything. Even before, when he had been Robin, when everything was new and shiny, he had been able to see that under the mask, Bruce was just as cracked and broken and fucked up as everyone else. Without the cape, Clark was as fallible and cowardly as any other person. Without the mask, Dick was just as angry and lost as Jason.

And once Jason was gone, when he was no longer there…it had moved to his little brother as well. To Tim, who had always been so small and sweet, following Jason like a duckling, sitting up all night just waiting for Jason to come read with him, the delicate child who just needed someone to protect him.

Now, Tim was a surly, stringy teenager, just like Jason had been, in a uniform of his own, and Jason knew it wouldn’t be long until Tim broke, until Tim was a massive failure like the rest of them. And that didn’t even touch on Conner, who Jason hadn’t even known before but who had clearly been beaten down by all the pressure that came from being the awkward middle child, the _replacement,_ the one who didn’t have Bruce’s favor for whatever reason.

And what on Earth would happen to Jon? What would become of the tiny child with the giant blue eyes and gapped teeth who wanted nothing more than to love and be loved by everyone around him?

No. None of them understood. They lived in a world that would destroy anyone, and yet they pretended it was beautiful and idealistic, that they were all happy like this. Even after the fight, nothing had really changed except that everyone just…tiptoed around it. Kept the peace rather than solve the problems. Sure, they were looking for Damian, but…

Jason didn’t jump when Kara landed next to him. He didn’t look up, just took another drag off his cigarette. “Did Bruce send you to get me?” he asked.

“I don’t take orders from Batman,” Kara said.

“Neither do I.”

“I noticed.”

He glanced at her. “So why are you here?”

“I was worried about you. You haven’t talked to anyone much since you got back.”

“I was dead for a year and then locked up with the al-Ghuls for three more. Forgive me for not being the most sociable person.”

“I don’t expect you to be like Rhy…Dick…but I’d think you’d want to talk to someone about it.”

“Who?” Jason asked. “Bruce? Clark? Dick? I don’t think talking to the people I’m mad at will fix it.”

“It could,” Kara said. “Talking to them might help all of you be less angry.”

Jason almost laughed. “You don’t get it, do you? Bruce is a brick wall, Clark will go all family counseling on me, and Dick…”

“Dick will just yell back.”

“Exactly.”

Kara sighed. “Fine. Talk to me then.”

Jason stared at her. “Oh, sure…can’t talk to Clark, so talk to his cousin instead. Great idea.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not Clark,” Kara snapped. “So do you want to pull the stick out of your ass and try to feel better, or would you rather wallow in the grave?”

Jason huffed. “What am I supposed to say?” he asked. “Being dead sucked, being alive sucks more, and living in Wayne manor is worse than being in Arkham.”

Kara rolled her eyes and held out her hand. “Give.”

Jason raised his eyebrows but passed her a cigarette. She lit it with her heat vision and took a drag off it. “All right, Jason,” she said. “You hate being alive and you hate living with Bruce and Kal. So what are you going to do about it?”

Jason blinked. “What?”

“What are you going to do about it?” Kara repeated. “Die again? Go crawl back in your grave and forget about it?”

“Believe me, I’ve tried,” Jason snapped. “The Lazarus Pit made it impossible.”

“All right,” Kara said. “So you’re alive, and you’re going to stay that way. What are you going to do with that life? Wallow? Brood in alleyways? Make life miserable for everyone around you? Live like you’re still dead? That sounds like a good use of a resurrection.” She took another drag and put the cigarette out. “But that’s not my business. Just do it somewhere else, I don’t want Jon thinking that’s the way to live his life.”

Jason stared at her open-mouthed as she flew off again, his mind turning very fast.

He looked down at the cigarette in his hand. Maybe she was right. Maybe living didn’t have to suck.

He dropped the cigarette and stomped it out before taking a deep breath and turning toward home. Maybe it wouldn’t be great, but maybe…

Just maybe, it could be okay.

*

Barbara hadn’t been flying since the accident. Tell the truth, she hadn’t been much of anywhere, choosing to seal herself away in the Batcave. There, it didn’t matter. There, she was still useful.

She told Dick she was fine, that she didn’t want to slow him down. She wished he would stop feeling guilty, that he would just live his life and let her…

Well. Maybe not live hers. Half the time, Barbara felt like she didn’t have a life to lead anymore, not outside the cave away from the computers. Outside the cave, she was just another tragedy, just someone else for people to pity. As Oracle, she was alive. As Oracle, she was still a superhero.

She wished that Dick could let her go.

But he didn’t.

It was a little while after Jason returned that Dick came in, already in uniform and carrying a mask.

“I thought it was your night off?” Barbara asked, barely glancing up.

Dick swallowed. “It is,” he said. “I…I thought we could go dancing.”

She turned. “Funny,” she said bitingly.

“Barbara…” He closed his eyes and took a breath. “I…I’m sorry about…everything. I just…I want to make it right. And…I miss flying with you.”

She looked down, tears in her eyes. “It wasn’t…”

“I know. It’s neither of our faults.” He held out the mask. “I promise…I won’t let go if you don’t want. I just…I don’t want you to waste away in this cave like Bruce did.”

“I’m not…” She pressed her lips together. “You could have anyone else in Gotham or Bludhaven,” she said. “Your ass is plastered on every tabloid out there right now…both in and out of costume. I’ve seen them all at the galas…don’t waste your life on me because you feel guilty or…or like you’d be abandoning me. I can look after myself.”

Dick stepped across the room and knelt in front of her, taking her hands. “Barbara Gordon,” he said. “I have loved you since I was ten years old. I’ve never stopped loving you for a second. And nothing, absolutely nothing will ever change that. Maybe I could have any girl in the world…but I don’t want to. I never want anyone but you.” He pressed a kiss to the back of each hand. “What happened…it hurt you, and it hurts me too…but it hurts more to see you sitting down here refusing to go out and live. It hurts me to see you so sad. And all I ever wanted was to make you happy…and this is the only thing I can think to do.”

Slowly, Barbara reached out and took the mask Dick offered. She took a breath and put it on. It wasn’t the Batgirl mask, which she was grateful for. She didn’t need that.

Dick smiled a bit and picked her up. She clung to his neck as he carried her out of the cave. She closed her eyes as he flew off, over the manor. It wasn’t until they were hovering over the roof that she opened her eyes again.

It was just like before. Gotham was spread before her, beautiful as ever. She clung to Dick more than before, afraid to fall again. And he understood, just spun her slowly in the air, letting her feel just a fraction of the freedom they had enjoyed before.

Maybe one day they would dance again. She didn’t need her legs up here. Maybe one day, she would let him drop and throw and catch her like he used to.

Just maybe, she could trust him that much.


End file.
